Back off man, I'm a scientist!

Imagine the scene: a group of scientists are sitting around a bar at happy hour. Among them, they've ordered a variety of local microbrews, each in a different promotional fancy glass, issued to the bar by the various breweries. A straggler arrives, and joins the group carrying a generic pint glass. She wonders why she didn't get a fancy glass, and the conversation devolves into accusations of lameness for working past ten til happy hour, which are countered with claims that it doesn't matter because her beer is bigger anyway. Fast forward fifteen minutes, and the group has secured a pitcher of water. A usually dignified man with letters behind his name is "conducting experiments" to determine the relative volume of each of the fancy glasses. Complex geometrical sketches and cost benefit analyses with large equations are scribbled on napkins, bets are placed, potential confounding variables like the effect of the glass's shape on the head of the beer are debated. A heated side argument has developed on whether there was a second correct solution to the water volume puzzle in the original Die Hard movie. An observant waitress approaches the table and offers to clear some of the empties. The no longer dignified experimenter snaps: "Back off man, I'm a scientist!"

I relate this today partly because I think it's a funny story, and that the punchline should be repeated as frequently as possible whether it's relevant or not, and partly to celebrate my departure from public outreach around here. On Saturday, I did my final shift with the touch tank. It's a good thing too because I'm about sick of the old men assuming that a girl couldn't possibly hitch and trailer the tank or fix the chiller. In my last two tanks, I have intentionally sprayed a guy in the face with cold smelly water because he wouldn't get out of my way and let me clear the bubble from the water line, and I threatened to run over a guy who seemed to think that I needed step by step instructions on backing the truck up relayed from a standing position that directly blocked the mirror I was actually using to maneuver into place. In both instances, I suppose "Back off man, I'm a scientist!" would have been more appropriate.